Challenges and change

“Envy is a waste of time. You already have what you need”

I was sent an article a few weeks ago, originally written by a lady named Regina Brett about her “50 Life lessons”. All are very thought provoking, but I picked this one to share with you:

“Envy is a waste of time…”

Unfortunately, our modern media plays hard with our emotions when it comes to envy: we see adverts daily (hourly?) showing us the latest gadgets, the luxurious holidays, the sleek new cars, the beautiful bodies that other people have (implying that to be happy, we should want to have them too).

I don’t know about you, but I have bookmarks to many online stores with associated ‘Wishlists’ for items that I covet, having seen them in adverts on the TV or in magazines (or being worn by friends or colleagues!), not to mention the weekly lottery tickets, bought in the hope of becoming the next millionaire. And I’m happy when I receive presents from my wishlists at Christmas and for Birthdays or get the odd small prize from the Lottery fund, but it’s not long before I’ve filled up my Amazon list and am wishing for the next new thing.

Regina Brett’s lesson reminded me that too much of this can be very depressing, so instead of wishlists, I’ve started to create ‘Thank you lists’ instead. It’s actually far more satisfying and I find that I start my day feeling altogether more positive!  See what you think….

Start off by creating a daily list with 10 things that you have now or that are important to you, that you are thankful for. It should only take you a few minutes.

Here is my list from this morning:

1. After an eventful training session last night, I find I am not broken this morning
2. The cats didn’t fight before breakfast
3. Sunshine!
4. I found the last 2 jars of homemade hedgerow jam in the fridge
5. Tesco is delivering my shopping this afternoon instead of me having to go and buy it and bring it home
6. We have another person interested in viewing our house
7. There are primroses in the garden
8. My husband isn’t starting work until late this evening so we get to have dinner together
9. The online computer game I play is back working (having been off line all weekend), and my husband is out so I get to play, uninterrupted
10. My phone still has charge this morning, despite me forgetting to charge it up last night

“…You already have what you need”

Today has been a good day.

(Contrary to what you may read on any number of internet sites, Regina Brett is nowhere near 90 years old.  You can read the rest of her ‘50 life lessons’ here: http://www.reginabrett.com/ )

Writing things down to remember them is stressful; writing things down to forget them makes much more sense.

In today’s economic climate, we are busier, more stressed and more under pressure than ever before. Everyone I speak to seems to have 101 things flying round their heads that they must remember to do. As soon as we sit down to work, we are bombarded with information about things that we MUST NOT FORGET.

Between April 2010 and March 2011, UK businesses lost well over 10.5 million working days to stress related illness at a cost of £1.24 billion. In the US, the American Institute of Stress reports that during the same period, between 60% and 80% of workplace injuries were stress related.

One way of reducing stress is to reduce the amount of “mind traffic” we have to deal with. So instead of writing down all the things you have to do and then constantly bothering yourself with what you haven’t done yet, write things down in a way that allows you to FORGET about them.

Most of us keep that “To-do” list. When we find something else that needs doing, we dutifully add it to the list. Every time we look at that list, we are reminded that there is too much to do and we can’t fit it all in. But being constantly reminded of how many things we can’t or haven’t done is stressful and, frankly, depressing – it reminds us of how impossibly busy we are.

The truth is you’ll never ever get it all done. You will always have more to do than have time for. To emphasize this point: you will NEVER, EVER get it all done… Let that sink in for a moment…

So what else can you do?

There are any number of theories and strategies for managing your workload, improving your effectiveness at work or reducing your stress levels, but here is my tip:

Let’s call it “Date activation”: Instead of adding a new task to you ever-growing “to-do” list, decide when the task needs to be done and how long it will take and when you will do it. Once you’ve made those decisions, use whatever system you prefer (Outlook can be very useful here) to create a task on the date you decide then forget about it and get on with what you have decided to do now.

When the time comes to carry out the new task, your system will tell you. If you’ve kept details, notes, contacts etc. with that reminder you’ll have everything to hand to get straight on with it. By using this sort of system, you’ll also be able to easily see how much you’ve committed to on any future date so be better able to set achievable deadlines for other tasks that crop up, instead of over-committing yourself and therefore under-delivering on something else.

Unfortunately, the under-delivering part can often occur outside of work – missing a date with your partner or being late to pick the children up from school – so being able to see for yourself or show your manager what’s currently on your schedule will pay dividends outside of as well as during work.

I make no promises that you’ll never have a stressful day at work if you use this “Date activation” tip, but you may find that you reduce last minute panics, are more in control of your workload and gain a genuine sense of achievement in getting the right things done.

Are we all really that busy?

How many times have you had this conversation by the coffee machine?

“Hi, how are you?”
“Oh you know, crazy busy! How about you?”
“Yes, me too, but better that sitting around twiddling my thumbs!”

Now you may actually be that person holding down three minimum wage jobs that all require a long commute with no car - that’s genuinely busy - but I am not.  If you are, you probably don’t ever have that conversation: when you stop, you are more likely to be asleep!

For most of us, our busy-ness is self-imposed: working late to achieve a deadline so that you look good for the boss, running the kids round to the after school clubs that you’ve encouraged them to join, volunteering for a local charity, organising and running a book club or your school reunion or whatever.

I think I do this so that I feel valued, i.e. busy = important, and with all my friends and colleagues saying the same sort of thing, it makes me feel as though I fit in.

Our lifestyles and culture encourage us all to do this, but what would happen if we gave ourselves permission to stop every so often?  Would the business collapse?  Would the kids run riot?  Probably not.

The trouble is, our brains are pretty clever things.  If we say something too often, we end up believing it.  So, we feel run down, tired, fed up with the continual hustle and bustle of everyday busy-ness.

So sometimes stopping is important.  Taking time to stop and reflect about where we are in life, what our goals are and how we intend to achieve them, what is really important to us; these things are at least as important as any of the active things we do day after day without thinking about them.

I’ve taken a day off today to do just that - I have no plans, except to write about my day - and to think about what I want and where I want to be. 

I have all those busy things to go back to tomorrow, but they can all wait one day - today, I am more important than them.

Multitasking - Masterly or just misguided?

We have coined the term “multitasking” for the way we try to handle more than one task at the same time from the way our computers seem to do it.  In fact, computers process information sequentially.  They just do this very quickly so that it seems that they are doing things at the same time.

Our brains work in the same way, just not so quickly.  So whilst we tell ourselves we can simultaneously write an email, speak on the telephone, plan our weekend away and drink that cup of coffee, we are actually rapidly switching between all those tasks. 

This prompted my initial thought - can we really multitask at all? The answer…. probably not. 

When we take on several activities at a time, we’re continually ordering and re-ordering them.  This can feel immensely satisfying – we tell ourselves that the variety is exciting, that we are efficiently tackling a large number of tasks and feeling the benefit of ticking 3 or 4 things off our ‘to-do’ list in quick succession.

However, our wishful thinking can often triumph over the way our brain actually works:

• The number of chunks of information we can remember accurately at any one time, with no memory degradation, is one.  If we hold more than one idea at a time, we forget pieces – the memory degrades.
• When we try and perform two or more related tasks (at the same time, or alternating between), errors increase and it takes longer.  Sometimes, these effects can be marked.

Now, many of us may well be practiced enough at walking down a street and at eating ice-cream to be able to do both simultaneously, but we are all aware, for example, of the confusion that can arise when we try to concentrate on two conversations at the same time at a party or the risks inherent in driving and texting at the same time.

We all have busy lives – so what can we do?

Here are some suggestions to improve productivity across a series of tasks.  None are ground-breaking; you probably know that you should be doing most of these things already, but consider what happens when you make a conscious effort to implement them at work:

1. Focus on one complex task at a time.  This may mean switching off telephone and email for the duration of the task.
2. When you want to tackle more than one task at a time, combine a complex one with something familiar that you already have a practiced process for.
3. Allow your brain rest and recovery time to consolidate thoughts and memories.

Remember that your brain is a lot like a computer. You may have several screens open on your desktop, but you’re only able to think about one at a time.

Training Stuff, or Why I do what I do…

I read this great quote the other day on one of the blogs that I subscribe to (credit to Aida Anderson).  It made me think about what I do and why I find it so rewarding:

Know your stuff,
Know whom you are stuffing,
Know when they are stuffed!

Knowing your stuff is not just technical knowledge, in fact that’s probably the least of it.  As a learning & development professional, my “stuff” is not knowledge.  I am rarely the expert in the room on technical information, facts and figures or complex processes.

My privilege is to be there when other people have their light bulb moments and to be able to congratulate them on their successes.

My “stuff” is knowing how to encourage the shy people to speak up and the talkative ones to let the others get a word in edgeways; how to challenge ordinary thoughts and actions so that people find new ways to tackle old problems; how to support the application of new found ideas so that they bear fruit.

Knowing “who you’re stuffing” is more than just names, faces, departments and companies.  I have to find out what people need from any learning intervention, where their gaps or rough spots are and how they intend to use what they learn.  It’s about being able to help people work out where they are now, where or who they want to be and how to get there.

Everyone has their limits. Knowing when people have been stretched far enough is hugely important.  You can get too much of a good thing and finding the balance between support and challenge is my challenge right now!  Inspiring others to carry on by themselves, helping them to find what motivates them to grow and progress and supporting them as they try new things, this is all why what I do is so rewarding.

Being right can make you wrong

How often do you have an argument with someone and feel drained and disappointed at the end of it, even if you “won”?  Have you noticed how often people drag their heels when you tell them what you know to be best?  Even if what you are suggesting is clearly good for them or in their best interests?

When we argue with someone, what are we really trying to do?  Often we tell ourselves that it is because we know better – the person we are arguing with would feel better or do better if they followed our instructions.  Mostly, what we are trying to do is to change them in some way; make them do something we think they should do.  So even though our purpose in these circumstances may be well-meaning, it is often misinterpreted as aggressive or controlling.  In my experience, however well-meaning you think you are, this is not a good way to ensure another person’s buy-in to an idea, or to build a trusting relationship with them.

Aggressive or controlling behaviour is characterized by “YOU” statements, and focuses on how the other person “should be.”  (E.g. “You make me so mad!  You shouldn’t do <whatever>.”) It’s not surprising then, when confronted by these sorts of statements that most people want to defend themselves, rather than listen.  So the emotional consequences of these sorts of conversations often lead to a lot of negativity, guilt and low self-esteem.

Healthy communication in is much more focused on self-expression, without the goal of changing someone else.  This sort of conversations use “I” statements.  “I” statements are meant to be honest, but use tact.  They are not judgmental and express personal feelings without trying to change the way someone else sees things.  (E.g. “I felt angry when you raised your voice to me”)

5 ways to avoid an argument

• Strive to use assertive behaviour and remind yourself that your goal is to express yourself rather than change someone’s mind.  
• Very few relationships flourish with the type of attitude that you want to achieve superiority in an argument, instead of seeking a “win-win’ solution. 
• Instead of trying to “win”, seek to be assertive, show empathy, and work on validating others without putting them down.  Ask yourself – “Would I rather “judge” or show someone that I care?”  Support wins over instruction hands down!
• Victories become empty over time if your need to be right becomes a pattern. Others might distance themselves from you, or feel tense in your presence.  It can be lonely out there!
• Don’t push it!  The more you try to prove you are right, and the other person pushes back, the more your relationship suffers.

So the next time you have a conversation with someone that looks to be turning into an argument, think about how you can change what you say from a “You-statement” to an “I-statement”.  How you could reach a win-win solution rather than a “you lose” solution.

How might this affect the way you think about that person in the future?  What might they think about you?

In pursuit of happiness

Continuing on the theme of my last post (http://tinyurl.com/7369hee) which was about ways to enjoy your work more, I’ve been thinking about work/life balance and how it relates to happiness.  I believe that people who are engaged at work and who have a good work/life balance are more likely to be happy than those who don’t, but I don’t believe that those things are synonymous with “happiness”.

In the UK we’ve recently seen the government looking for ways to assess how happy we all are (http://tinyurl.com/72gefxg) and having seen this article and others, I am sure that going somewhere where everyone else is happy/engaged or doing something that happy/engaged people do is not the way to become more happy/engaged ourselves – it could actually be bad for us.

Happiness is an elusive state and while we can strive to achieve goals around engagement, productivity and work/life balance, trying to be happier is a bit like trying to stick jelly to a wall.

A recent study confirmed my reservations: “A Dark Side of Happiness? How, When, and Why Happiness Is Not Always Good”.  Here are some of the results (remember, these are all based on empirical research):

• When people are primed to value happiness, they tend to experience less happiness in positive situations (like watching a happy movie).
• When people place a higher value on happiness, they tend to report feeling lonelier.
• People who actively try to avoid negative feelings end up demonstrating more symptoms of depression than those who don’t.
• People who experience happiness too frequently tend to demonstrate less creativity and adaptability and greater risk taking and mortality.

So the research suggests that the pursuit of happiness may actually make you less happy.

When we achieve a tangible goal, i.e. one that is SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, time-bound), we often experience a state of happiness, or at least, satisfaction. However, happiness is just not SMART.  It is a state of being that ebbs and flows and just because we achieve it once, doesn’t mean that we will keep it and be able to tick it off our list of achievements.

Finally, I’ve got to the point: Steer clear of looking for ways to be happy.  Instead, look for ways to achieve measurable goals, like ticking everything off your “To-do” list; completing that important task as well as you can; understanding your priorities and sticking to them or spending the weekend with your family, as you agreed.

In that way, you may find that you sneak up on happiness, or that happiness sneaks up on you.  Don’t look it in the eye, simply enjoy it while it’s there and then look for the next opportunity to happen upon it.

Enjoy what you do…..

Adapted from an article by Peter Honey - with thanks.

Someone in full-time work typically dedicates a third of their life to working - so isn’t it important to enjoy your job?

While there is just a small proportion of people who can genuinely say they love every minute they are at work, job satisfaction can have a major influence on other parts of your life, such as family, health, social life and relationships. And if you are doing a job you enjoy you will be more motivated to do it well, even during hard and challenging times, which can only benefit yourself and your employer.

Here are 10 tips to help you enjoy your work more:

1. Get motivated to face the day

On your way to work, think of how the job you have allows you to have your life outside of it, such as a great social life. A positive attitude will make the day more pleasant and productive.

Listen to some music that makes you feel happy and positive.  Music is an excellent way to influence your state of mind.

2. Keep your work in perspective

You can only do the best you can in any situation. Look beyond yourself and your work, and consider the bigger picture. Do some voluntary work to gain a broader outlook. Find a way to contribute to society in general.

3. Plan your time and create a to-do list

In this list, include long term projects as well as the more imminent things that need doing.

Prioritise your to-do list - do the most important things first. When performing any task, ask yourself - is this the best use of my time? Schedule in enough time for 1:1 meetings, initiatives, projects etc. and be honest with yourself about how much time you need for these.

4. Concentrate on the task at hand

Be ruthless and take care of a task before it gets on a possible procrastination list. For example, sort your morning post immediately in one go - open it, file it, act on it or bin it there and then.

5. Be clear about what’s expected of you

Clarify immediately, any time you are not sure or where you are faced with conflicting demands. The more clear and upfront you are with your manager and the other people you work with, the better it will be for you all in the long term.

6. Delegate wherever appropriate

Decide if there is anything that can be delegated, or that more fairly belongs to someone else’s work load. Always remember the “3D” rule - do it, dump it or delegate it - never handle the same piece of work twice.

7. Have regular breaks
 
Get away from your normal workplace even if only for five minutes. Try taking a break from the laptop, emails and do leave the mobile behind. Make sure that you do have that lunch break - it’s not just for food but also for fresh air and a mental break.

Eat a healthy lunch and if you must snack, make sure it is healthy too - an apple rather than a bag of crisps. Look for ways of energising yourself, other than from adrenaline and caffeine.

8. Learn to relax

No matter how challenging your work gets or how demanding your boss becomes, at the end of the day it is only a job and you are much more than that. In years to come, you will look back and wonder what the fuss was about.

9. Review your day before you leave for home

Look at what worked well, and what could be improved the next day. If you feel satisfied with the day’s work, then why not reward yourself later that day. You deserve it.

10. Switch off and relax once you leave work

You are already at work a third of your time, so do not continue to keep it buzzing in your head during your free time. Mentally say good bye to your work space the moment you leave for home.

“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” ~Aristotle

I work for a company where, once a year, individuals’ line managers seek feedback from collegues as part of the annual review process.  This gives people an opportunity to tell their colleagues where they have done a good job but also where an interaction could have worked better, if they’ve not been able to broach the subject directly before.

While most people have lots to celebrate relating to their development and achievements throughout the year, often annual review time can be a difficult, particularly if specific feedback reveals and area of their work that needs improvement.

I wanted to remind myself about criticism and dealing with it; I hope you find my thoughts useful too. 

If you need to cope with criticism, whether it be at work or in your personal life, from your friends or colleagues, try to remember that it’s easy to become defensive when you receive some “robust” feedback.  Criticism can make us feel vulnerable, under-valued (or not valued at all)….I could go on but you know the score!

We can’t control what other people will say to us, whether they’ll approve of us and what we do or form opinions and share them. But we can control how we internalize it, respond to it, and learn from it, and when we release it and move on.

If you’ve been having a hard time dealing with criticism lately, it may help to remember the following:

• Learning from criticism allows you to improve. Almost every critique gives you a tool to more effectively create the tomorrow you visualize.

• Criticism presents an opportunity to choose peace over conflict. Try to avoid that instinct to fight and create unnecessary drama. The people around us generally want to help us, not judge us.

• Certain pieces of criticism can teach you not to get caught up with the small stuff. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter that your girlfriend thinks you load the dishwasher “wrong”.

• The more time you spend dwelling about what someone said, the less time you have to do something with it.

• Learning to receive criticism without losing your confidence is a must if you want to do big things in life. The more attention your work receives, the more criticism you’ll have to field.

We are all perfectly imperfect, and other people may notice that from time to time.  For me, I’d rather that than Aristotle’s alternative.

“We have struck iceberg…..sinking fast…..come to our assistance.”

One hundred years ago today, those words became the epitaph over the lives of the 1200 people lost on the Titanic. The ship was doomed as it slowly sank into its watery grave. Why did the largest, most advanced ship of the century sink? It wasn’t the iceberg that caused the disaster. It was something else.

It was Captain Smith’s retirement voyage.  All he had to do was get to New York.  We’ll never know if or why he ignored the iceberg warnings from his crew and other ships, but as the Captain of this ship, he was more than just a figurehead or the person with the job title; it was his responsibility to ensure the safe arrival of his ship in New York all those years ago.

This has made me draw some similarlities between the community on board the Titanic and many of the companies or organisations that we all work for.

I’m sure that most employers no longer follow the “biggest is best” mentality, as the builders of Titanic did, or insist that an individual’s position in the hierarchy dictates what they can or cannot do.  Nowadays, we are mostly fortunate that our managers actively encourage us to be accountable for our actions and decisions and to take responsibility for the work that we do.

It took the Titanic over 30 seconds to turn away from the iceberg that sent it to its doom.  Not a long time, but long enough.  The passengers in third class and the engineers, down below the water line, saw and felt the damage much sooner than the officers on the bridge or the passengers in first class.

In the rapidly changing environment that we work in, devolving our decision making and accountability to those people who see the action first makes our company or organisation more agile.  That sounds like I’m implying that most of us are based in steerage – I’m really not!  Just as those people who saw the damage to the hull of the Titanic first, we are often the ones who can see the implications of the changes and situations around us first and so can act most effectively.

Being accountable is not just down to the person on the bridge.  We all have the opportunity to be leaders within our own areas of expertise and to take responsibility for what happens there.  We are often the ones below the waterline, seeing what’s really going on and, what’s more, we are often in the right place to see the solutions and act on them.

Leadership is responsible for very nearly everything your organization does or fails to do.  What can you be responsible for within your area of expertise?